Sunday, December 18, 2005

the teaching artist gets no love

Of all my years hustling with life of a poet and performer, nothing compares
to teaching. Now no get all twisted yet...I enjoy teaching. I love it when my
students discover something I hadn't prior. I love it when they write incredible
stuff. When they're more excited about performing than i am and when
i am a pack of nerves watching them from afar on stage....I feel like a mommy
seeing their child in thier frist recital.

but that's the good shit.

the factor that i'm totally fatigue from is the bullshit. Where's the checks?
Oh the money is coming...when? Oh here it is! And guess's short
a couple of hours...oh and the final performance...your students are now in
the dance piece...which means, you...who has been with them all semester,
convincing of the wonders of poetry though they give a shit (mind you, i'm only
talking about one class), now have no student presenting because you've
forced them to now be dancers!

oh...but wait...guess what? we're going to cancel the talent show altogether
and never call you...and you'll get on the train from Harlem and ride out to
Brooklyn to bump into the janitor on the way out of the train station, who will
tell you the event was canceled.

ever since i've been back from South America, I've been working as a substitute
on top of my weekly stint as a spoken word instructor...i've recieved calls at 6am
to come in last minute at 8am...and no one called me about the show being canceled

i feel very lovely right now....really i do

and my back hurts

and it's cold

and i'm missing Oprah

and just is clearly not for me...not for long

so you see the problem?

the other day i walked passed the mirror. i normally do check myself in the mirror
but i'm guessing it hasn't been much the case lately. but this one special day i did
and boy...i looked tired. TIRED!

i'm working 5 days a week and feeling unfulfilled

gigging is less stressful than this...there's never any clear plan when gigs comes in
but to know you're working 6 days straight and still not saving up because shit is
all's not good folks

so if you think you want to be a teaching artist, think hard and long